Tell Me About A Banana

A thought reoccurred after reading a certain blog post. How people would always be comparing( human nature really) themselves to those more elite and wondering why they cannot ever attain that level. Having been at both ends of the spectrum, it should be that people though seemingly are better equipped and more gifted, would also be equally plagued by the obstacles of their levels.

Like me, yes, I do have high standards. Though I probably only became this ambitious during my Form 2 days and how that hunger to succeed has developed over the years. =0 And people all seem for some reason, are so astounded by my capabilities. (though they are only mediocre, compared to the real giants I have met). So even if I seem that bit more gifted than others, it doesn't mean I fret any less, I have even higher expectations to live up to(basically my own), more self-developed stress and standards to maintain. Thus, we've always been told never to compare... Because you never know what the other person has gone through.

And speaking of all the stress, my efforts and attention have to be split between BMAT, the Cambridge interview ANDDDD AS. Today, I was randomly called to talk about my mock interview and the admin said according the feedback, I would have to work on my knowledge and applications. Sigh, thus I would have to do much much outside reading D= One unfortunate matter, is that if one does not succeed at obtaining a place at Cambridge it would mean about..... almost 2K done the drain. Such exhilaration.

As for my title, it's the name of a book on Oxbridge admission interviews. Yes, they asked such a question during the interview!

You Shall Not Pass!

I seem to have this strange habit of passing up of certain events when an exam looms, even if the said exam is still about a few weeks away. For instance, today there's the Adidas King of the Road run, one of the few marathons that won't fall during the AS exams. Yet, I still pass it up because it's NEAR the AS exams. (One reason I didn't join could have also been that I had earlier thought my AS would start next week due to practicals). Whereas yesterday, Raleigh's MM was caving! =0 But of course, I did not go. Luckily I went for September's one or who knows when I'll meet up with them again.

What makes it even stranger is that I can pass on events like this which are quite beneficial on the physical sense, saying they would take up much of my exam preparation time, yet, I'm still here, on the computer, typing this blog post, doing random things online that aren't as beneficial. So, isn't being on the computer even more a waste of time then attending such events? I argue that going for an event like that would eat up more time due to travelling and getting prepared whilst you can plonk yourself in front of the computer anytime. There seems to be a major flaw in my time management skills. =0 Reading an article in R.AGE has come to make me suspect I have symptoms of ADHD...

I should follow the footsteps of a Raleigh senior of mine.He was taking AS finals during our May IW yet, he still chose to go for all 3 days, while me, for just my Sem 1 exam, chose to only help with the registration on the first day. When I asked him why he was still going, he just said "because I wanted to".

And later today, I will be going to an event, that is supposedly more for aspiring dentist, but whatever, still educational.

The Winner stands alone

My AS finals are looming and me being me, has yet to discover the urge to plop myself in front of my desk and to tackle past years(on a regular basis). Though this nonchalance has its consequences, such as breaking my A-streak because of trials =.=. Of course, I always have the alibi that I had not really try(which I guess is partially true).

Anyway, a moment of self-reflection here.It is somewhat sad to note that, I never do seem to choose the easier way in life. During the secondary school years, I could have chosen to be totally immersed in studies but (owing this to "kiasu-ness"), I always tried to grab any opportunity thrust at me on the aspect of co-curricular activities, one major example would be taking Queen's Guide(though I hold no regrets of course). I chose to stay up late completing logbooks, skipping class, troubling teachers and parents, and constant worry over books and full attendance. Nevertheless, it was a decision that was worth it, I could say that was one phase of high school that helped mold me a lot.

Now,of course was the scholarship. If I was an easily contented person, I would probably be residing in Shah Alam for most of the weeks now. But alas, I would probably be tormented with "What if"s my whole life if I had done so. I chose to stay where I am. I chose to complete my A--Levels next year June like I had intended instead of starting over and slowly finishing two years later. I applied for probably some of the more competitive medical schools in the UK, instead of having a "backup" or applying for more "humble" unis and be satisfied at that.

I still choose to be somewhat active in ECA for college and also in outside organisations. I choose to handle certain things like class shirts or assignments because I do not want to feel inferior to or let my class be inferior or less united to another class.

Even though I may not always win, I despise the feeling of settling for second best, especially if I never tested whether I could be top.

On a side note, I have already done UKCAT and IELTS for uni apps.BMAT is in November. All the spending for these 3 have already amounted to about Rm1800! Not to mention the UCAS fee and COPA fee....

Pixel Perfect

I often wonder what life would be like if we were more easily contented. Like those avatars in the game: The Sims 3. They primarily just need to have their basics needs fulfilled to be fulfilled and their mood meter goes up. Of course, they also have skills to acquire to further upgrade their capabilities.

(Yes, this is Sims Social ==)

But if only people were just as simple. Sims have no specific tastes as to what food or clothes to buy and they just meekly follow the controller's orders. Furthermore, it's so easy to understand what they want as there is a meter and indicator when their moods deteriorate and they get bored/dirty/tired.

If only real people were that easily understood D=.

Trying to be somewhat philosophical here? haha

Water Bottles on the floor!

Today I just sat for the IELTS exam. And to be honest, I don't know why, for an exam where the advice by peers(with above average English proficiency)I've been given is to not bother studying for it, I felt exceptionally tense. Maybe, because it involves a fee of about RM 550, or that despite whether I retake or not, the universities will only accept the first attempt's score. So, I kept having bad premonitions of slipping up over the days. But what wonders me most, that despite the worry, a side of me is still as slack. Well, I did prepare for it, though not as intensively as I could have, and I did spend almost ever day this week working on articles for CALEB, but it's not to say I could have spared time to study.

But then again, have I ever given it all for an exam? I never pull all-nighters, because I feel it would only make my mind groggy and unfocused in the morning. I don't think I could make myself truly study for a whole day but then, who could? Random musings.

And I guess it's a good thing I didn't underestimate IELTS. Shall hope for the best two weeks later...

Requiem

The reason I don't frequent this place as much seems to be because it has slowly been breached by parties which I would rather not reveal the inner workings of my mind to. I have contemplated another site but the prospect of moving and informing faithful readers who still seem to visit this blog in hope of a new entry is just plain redundant at this moment of time.

So, I have returned because I have chosen to let that be for now. And I really have to write something besides recurring articles, which is most of the extra-curricular writing I have been doing this year. So this post shall have some relation to writing, or something that encompasses writing.

One can't say I'm a very good commander. I have always put myself in a situation where I care more of the feelings of my subordinates comrades than how the outcome of our assignment would be. This usually just leads to unstable decisions and a lot of doubt over me on their behalf. But after about two months of being in this position once more, it gets tiring trying to be ever so democratic yet getting abysmal results, a reason why I look to tyranny as a more effective ruling method,though to certain extents.

And after much venting to a certain friend, I too was encouraged to shed such informalities and reprise my role on a more stricter basis. I have tried that and it does seem to bring about different responses from people, much to my bemusement. Hopefully I can yield a tighter leash on the doings and speech of certain people now. And that I do find the trigger point in me that would unleash my myriads of scolding, not just good understanding friends, but all who have not done their duties up to par.

In simpler words, one should screw the opinions of others if they get in the way of getting things done smoothly.

Peddling

I was walking back to the car in the rain today when someone suddenly called "miss!" from behind. I turned around and saw this scrawny chinese guy in a baggy shirt and orange crocs(these made quite an impression on me). He then asked" Are you Chinese?" Pretty dumbfounded, I nodded. He then started going on in Cantonese about how he was just released from a lockup and he needed money to take the bus back home and he was asking for about 7 ringgit. After a moment silence, I only mustered a "sorry" and he left, obviously in a hurry to get out of the rain.

I don't know what to make of that incident. Once I got into the car, I felt pretty bad. What if he really just wanted to go home. I had my suspicions that he could be a kidnapper or drug addict, but he wouldn't be asking so openly right? And he talked pretty decently too. Hope he managed to make it back home.

Oh, and while I was turning out from SS15 I saw an Indian guy dressed similarly crossing the road. He had brown crocs on. =0