Why do I still believe?

After this exam, during the holidays I am going to:

1) Get a hair cut
2) Attend a ceremony for an award which I feel indifference to
3)Catch up with people
4) Hang out with buddies
5) Do more volunteer work
6) More social visits
7) Clean my room=.=
8) Watch my movies
9) Play more games
10) Read more books
11)Give more
12) Smile more
13) Make a difference =)

And anything to enrich myself ~

Charged for Thoughtcrime

Edit: Photos Placed

This is the post I wrote but never posted some few days ago. I gave up waiting for my connection to get better. The weird empty spaces and captions are for photos I will post later. Blogger photo uploader takes forever!

I actually survived more than a week of being without Internet. But it is really bad for my productivity, as it seems that without the Internet,I go into a state of slack, then up to bed and I fall asleep, discarding work for the last minute ><. And it was the worst course of time for the Internet to be out, with all these events happening continuously.

First , was the epitome of my QG journey- BSS. Well, you could say that it was not as what I would have expected. In a good way or bad way, that I don't know. One sad bit was that it was held in familiar land, which is just right here in KL, so there was no extraordinary spectacle to awe at, nor any place that required us S'gor and KL-ites to act like foreign tourists. (Though there was a lot of camwhoring X D).

After so long a time of cold sweat, sleepless nights and nervous jittering, it has come down to this. And truth be told, it was pretty numbing, in the end. Had I expected too much? Hmm...But I should be grateful that it wasn’t too hard on me, no?

My Pink Group in Central Market. One of our (pretty random) assignments was to take a picture with an artist and get their autograph. (Why am I at the back? >=(!)

I wonder if it’s because it’s in their territory, or whether they’re always like that, or because of their number but the KL candidates were very hyper. Hui Xia, Carolyn and Chaw Hui provided the group with much entertainment. Which makes me wonder whether any of the candidates have blogs..and whether they will stumble upon mine hahaha..

The Selangor batch trying to act..”cute”.I’m sure there are other more silly photos of us, in the other cameras =D Most of the candidates were so inclined to their own states sometimes, at every chance they could they would flock together==. So we didn’t have much of a chance but to do the same.

Oh yeah, one thing was that this was the “singing” BSS and there was Don’t Stop Believing o.0. Pn Tek watches Glee? LIke whoa haha.

Then, after that week of BSS-Prep, it was Sports Day prep, meaning staying back after school till 6 almost every day and staying overnight on Friday itself. As people may know, Kuning’s theme was Transformers:Bumblebee, which though cool is actually quite hard to portay, as you can see from the random array of objects we had at our khemah.

I actually felt pretty fed up upon Sports Day approaching. The toil of preparation had spread out too long a period of time and in other words, it was getting sien. Plus, stuff I did was not used =.=. Zadou, at least I still have my gloves~~

The mascot gear. You would probably have not seen those in the last two pictures because they weren’t used in the end. Too movement restricting==.

In the end, Kuning got 2nd for Marching and last for khemah.

M2D5. And O3?

Staying up the whole night, then marching then walking/sitting/standing under the hot sun, this Sports Day really never gave us time for a breather(as of the time during prep at night). And to think I was imagining a scene where people could just sit on the field in the middle of the night and talk==. But it was work all the way for Kuning, even up till the very last minute. In the end, we were so tired that we never went out and I could have just fallen asleep by placing my head on the table==

Two things strike at me about these two events. First, it all brings back memories of BRATS. And with the approach of the 2nd BRATS workshop 2010, some reminiscence is in tow. Like what Pei said, how is it that it seems that we could make more friends in those 4 days compared to that year in a class. OK, I shall be honest. I came to BSS thinking that everyone would be eager to show themselves out, to prove themselves and to willing mix around. But, it was not ..exactly like that. Everyone, except the Kl guides,mostly kept to themselves and conversation was mostly among their own states.

Working with Kuning didn’t actually turn us into comrades in arms as well. Sometimes it felt more like a constant contest to outdo each other. Not to say that I’ve never made a few friends along the way. =) UNGU does have a point about their semangat, you can say that.But never mind, hopefully the next batch does better. And Mr Chan is getting scarier and scarier=. = Already preparing for next year???

I guess in BRATS, everyone gave all out to socialise, since our main goal was to have fun. No need for competition. We just all worked hard together to produce our articles/photos/videos.

I miss these people.=( When’s our next gathering? =) And I won't FFK already la =( I never did also...

Next,I don’t think I did very well at all. I couldn’t perform with my best. =( I screwed up so much during BSS, getting further away from my target. It was so disappointing for me and for whoever who thought better of me. Staying up till 4 to complete folios, doing my report 2 days before, the cause of procrastination and utter laziness.

Sports Day prep was worse. After BSS, you could say that all the passion and motivation just snuffed out of me. I just wasn’t that driven anymore. It became more like a task for me to finish then a crusade for Kuning’s victory. I never planned anything properly, I did everything half-heartedly and I just walked out. I feel really bad, because, I know I could give more than that. But, I didn’t.

The sense of lethargy is still all over me. Which, sucks because I’m failing at trying to do what I can for what I care about.Not to mention emotions seem to be going haywire here and there.

Exams are coming and I all I want is to lie on bed and read.

I have to get to work on late gifts and due presents.

1984 was so good, maybe I will start liking classics after all. =D

And I’m sorry. To anyone who should deserve this.

A numbness in my heart

I actually had a blog post drafted out in Windows Live Writer but due to Internet complications, it can't be posted. =( So sorry to whoever that reads this place.

Now even my whole PC is down. This is my mum's laptop I'm using now.

And I should get back to studying.

Finally

Does it end here?

Keep holding on

These two days have been pretty awesome. =D

I must have a promising future as a waiter in the future as serving teachers was actually a very enjoyable task. WTH haha. And got to see seniors return X D

Jie Min.. The only one of her batch who looked at the camera==

Wei Lin, receiving her Academic Achievement award

Later on, me, Hue Ching, Marissa, Kai Xiang and Kian Mun took the LRT to Pasar Seni to look for the stock for their civic project sales. I only found out yesterday that Pasar Seni is where Petaling Street is =__= And it has made me realised how long it has been since I last visited the place. How I miss the food, the comic store and the cheap Chinese bookstore T. T

Anyway, we practically walked all four sides of the place to search for stock. And we entered one place again by accident.

(Oh no! I just lost one important piece of info, and it's most likely in school T.T)

Today was full of some uncomfortable moments =/. And the both of us took more than a hour to find our destination, which was so near. Fail==. Though it was pretty worthwhile, I wanna see those kids again X D

And, omg, will we appear on tv? o.0

Your company is always great X D. Though it seems to indicate a shift in your behaviour. Anyway, good luck tomorrow. ^^

Would you believe me, would you agree?

I must not be destined to succeed in Sports event. ><

First Cross Country, now Sukan Tara.

Well, Peluru was gotten over and done with (Point!) X D

100m was epic FAIL.

Long jump, I had no idea what happened==.

And 600m was major disappointment. I shouldn't have sprinted so fast at the start (I was actually first ,wth, for that moment==). Then I think I got so surprised I slowed down. HUE CHING overtook me and I started getting more and more behind till I...failed...SIGH

But but...at least I was there =) (?)

And and truth be told, it pains me the most that I lost to YOU. Damnit, this better not turn into another SY/DW dilemma. Though, there are times where I really empathize with him, though I find it very ridiculous myself.

Shyte.

And since when did YOU learn to swear? o.0

Sorry, I screwed. Even when I tried, it was not enough, I didn't give enough and I know it. Yet again. I LAIF

Not we, only you and me

The more I ponder about these things said, the more I feel that it is a whole bunch of BS==.

Am I in fault? Should I be a little more grateful, a bit more appreciative of this so-called consideration they are showing? I am, I believe, to some extent. But not to trust them fully. Because there are still things that point them in the wrong. I actually still doubt the sincerity in their words. Cause well, actions do speak louder than words


It's hard to believe what people say when they don't seem to give a damn in reality. A different mentality, a social catastrophe or as usual, an unread side of the story?

But, no matter, what was never meant to be shall never be. I shall just follow option 2 in my 2 sided story theory and walk away.