It's not you, it's me.

I predict that this will be a very messy and unorganised post. SINCE. I lost all the fired up emotion from just now and my thoughts seem pretty jumbled up to actually focus on a specific post ><

All this conundrum and chaos has gotten to me. The first thing teacher said when she saw me was " Why do you look so sleepy/ like you didn't sleep" Or something on the lines of expressing that I look fatigued =. = Really now, do I look that tired? I don't sleep that late and I still consider myself as slacking off. All this must be affecting my physical outlook as well as the mental one. @.@ Is this contributing to the lashing out, the constant silence and mood swings ? Not that I lash out at everyone, actually I don't really lash out at people at all Haha.

And it seems I have lost myself. Is being on the other side causing this? Why has anticipation been replaced by resentment? What happened to visions to rebuild a crumbling organisation? Innocence was lost so long ago. And now, here I am worrying about such trivial matters. I may not be able to fix this but at the least I can ignore and do what I can. I probably work best alone anyway. Thus, the affinity towards writing maybe? A solo and more personal activity. I need my passion back. I need to start over.

I think something has gone terribly wrong. You may or may not feel the same way but I would believe it's mutual. Something has caused a big ugly dent in this friendship and the cause? Things said, things done, my somewhat rebelling. =S Whatever. But I won't do anything about this. Not until we've been stripped down and returned back to the basics. And I cannot promise. Because I take promises very seriously and the hurt of having one broken to you is...shattering. I'm sorry.

I've been very selfish. Maybe that's why I would not work alongside people, maybe people working for me but not operating under the same purpose. Because it gets so tiring. So aggravating. To have a target you have to catch up with while you limp behind. To worry about their progress. About mine. I was a paranoid person by nature yet laziness prevails at most times. What is this doing to me? Tell me I'm not in this alone.

This has been a very jumbled up post. Not too straightforward, not too vague.

Remember you don't want any regrets from high school.

P.S Defying Gravity~~ X D