One Last Lecture – Part 1

I used to really look forward to Saturdays.

Because I could get to meet all those familiar faces that I usually really get to meet only once a week(Saturday) and also to do the things I loved.

Yeah, I used to.

I stumbled upon CHS Guides by the recommendation of two friends: Le Yi and Pei Jia, who both had sisters in the society. So on Gerko Day, I signed myself up without much qualm. I remember during the welcoming party I was “caught” to stand up and had to introduce myself. I don’t remember why, but it was a game.

Then, there was Junior Camp. My patrol was Kai Yi and I remember being in awe with her, because well, she was so good. One memorable scene was where she told us to stay put in the shelter while she fought the rain herself to fix up our tents. And it was raining VERY heavily. I really owe Kai Yi a lot for what she taught us. Our patrol won the best performance and if I didn’t remember wrong, overall best patrol too. =’) If only you had stayed on longer, you would have helped changed this place a lot.

I know Form 1 was a really quiet year for me. I never really was active. I probably wanted to, but there was no one to do it with me. My closest friends weren’t that active themselves so I was restricted. We weren’t taken much notice of but we didn’t mind much. Fun was all we knew. And with that AGM arrived, I remember how emotional the seniors were. But as young as we were, we could feel not much sadness =(.

Form Two came and the batch of Form 5 that were elected had quite a bond with us as Le Yi knew some through her sister. But things didn’t change that much. I remember being a lousy member in a certain someone’s test camp and I am forever sorry. I still wonder whether it was my fault she gave up halfway. Also, during Form 2, we were exposed to tests, though being late bloomers, it was enough to get us interested. Even so, this was a year where I seem to be isolated from a lot of activities. Maybe because I was declared as incompetent. It was also the year where my peers got elected into office and there a barrier was formed.

To tell the truth, I was pretty (okay, awfully) disappointed without getting a post. Me and my friend, we were in quite a state of denial. We spent long hours discussing in the library. How were they any better from us? Some obviously stood out since day 1, but the rest fared no better than us, they might have been worse. Jia gave an explanation about them being more recognisable. But still, some damage was done there and to this day, I still have no answer.

At the end of Form 2, they had a camp. That we were no part of. And I can’t say that I felt no pang of jealousy at that. Moving on, it was also the time I met Hue Ching and also the time where she was facing one of her most crucial decisions. I guess it was because of that event that we actually became friends. I don’t remember how we started talking, just that it was from MSN. Me and Le Yi used to come early quite a lot for fun and we met her through that. Somehow, Le Yi asked for her email and I copied it down. So, to meet someone and advise them at such a turning point in their life. It is fate, don’t you think? =)

Also during the end of that year, there was the BAKP. That I myself had no part of somehow o.0. I remember being such an emo, even jotting down the reasons I sucked as a Guide in this VERY blog ( oh wait, was that another event?!) I remember writing emo personal messages on my blog and ranting to people, Hue Ching in particular =/ And I believed she tried to help me. Not to much avail. This was a particularly dark time for me. The end of Form 2 and possibly the start of Form 3. But anyway, somehow or another I did end up in that camp. And it was quite memorable, wrote about it in this very blog too. First out-of-school camp for me.

Oh yes, this AGM went by without much memory too. But I remember Le Yi exclaiming loudly with surprise when she found out who became the new UL.

Oh yeah, there was one day in Form 2 year end where me and Le Yi came to school to complete Kelas Dua folio. How semangat-ed we were then! And coincidentally, we met Marissa and Hue Ching too, who were gonna visit the old folk’s home XD

You could see that I probably never looked forward to Saturdays much then.

Form 3 year, I guess I could feel a bit of rebellion building. The disappointment was still there from not getting a post, and I thought, honestly that it separated us. I didn’t know this batch of Form 5s well at all and had this biased ill-fated opinion of them. I guess this was also a year I felt pretty isolated. (It was either this or last year) ==. Also, during this year, some small strides were taken. I actually stepped out to do a test without my usual posse of friends. Was it a certain someone’s influence? *shrugs* I know they were a lot of doubts of my capability, and in the end it never happened. But I remember all the encouragement I got. A pat on the back while we sat at the corridor after Sports Day raptai and I was feeling sorry for my sick self. A rather long comment of encouragement from a person i still look up to till today. Thanks a lot = ).

But also, things weren’t always going that well. I remember being told to wait outside a room while a gang discussed their own “private” affairs inside even though we were supposed to be working together on something else. I also remember being told not to follow some people and to walk my own way. So, how could I feel that I actually belonged? Devastated, really. There were probably lots of rants to different people on different matters but all is faded memory.

Of course, Form 3 was a time when I expanded my measly social circle somewhat. I remember walks with Lyn everyday after school and long talks with Marissa on Msn. So, slowly I was feeling some acceptance. Also I guess people were coming together, yeah the COH of my batch. And there was also the time we celebrated Shu Ling’s birthday in Dominoes’ and we played Spin The Bottle = =. I know.

Hm, this year I also got closer to my some form 4 seniors. From random occasions. One had asked me to prove myself and show myself too. But I guess I might have disappointed her when I never went for the interview, thinking it was of no hope. Also, that day was my birthday and I was taking the fire-lighting. I received a lot of help =) (you know who you are) Later, we also watched the HnG concert. Hehe X D

I hope I never crushed any senior’s hopes again during the camps I ‘helped’ out in. I know the Permit I went to was way better than the previous but still =(. But the BAKP one went on fine and JiaX was an awesome leader XD.

This AGM also went on pretty calmly. Just that some controversy about presents occured. And it was held in a ..classroom instead of the usual Lecture Theatre. Ah yes, I even remember how the results were announced. That day it was the Independence Day Launching and there was the Traditional Costume Competition. Me and Lyn were spending recess talking at our classroom blocks. Soon, we received news that the results were out and some quite shocking too. (HC!) And we both went “Aiyah! Should have gone down, now we missed all the drama XD”

Wah, so long.== Part 2 later lar.