It's currently 4.50 am.

(There's an alarm clock ringing in the background o.0)

Nah, I haven't been pulling an all-nighter. I woke up at about 4.20a.m?

I slept almost immediately after coming home from tuition and having dinner, which was abut 9 pm.

So here I am now.

Printing my proposal.

Maybe gonna do chem later.

Darn, I didn't do my essay yet.

More HeartBreak

Sighs. I don't think I'll be begging to go into the board anymore. Not after that conversation yesterday with Lily yesterday.It made me feel guilty for some reason. But, Pei is right. I really wanted to get into the board. Still do. =(

I am sad.

I am depressed.

I am disappointed(with myself).

But I still think I've taken this thing better than expected. I didn't break down, for one thing. Still, the heart broke.

And I do think it's unfair. Some of us who were so desperate couldn't pass and those who probably wouldn't show that commitment did(This doesn't apply to everyone of course). No, not the Board that's unfair. The Fates. Yes, I'm cursing the fates-Stage 2. Though I never went through Stage 1 unless you replace mad to sad.

Why do I always screw up?

There goes the dream I've been harboring since Form 1

Am I really not destined to be there?

Internal War

Seriously, I really appreciate what you all said to me that day and how you tried to console. But maybe what I wanted more was hope(!). Someone to say "It's alright, maybe you should go look for ..." or " I know what you should do...". But I don't think that's ever possible. And maybe I'm the only person to go to such means to join a club==.

Let's see, what did you all say to me again?

" It's their own lost for not passing you"

If it really will be a loss to them, then why did they fail me without any hesitation? I don't think me not being there will be any loss to them. They do choose the best in the test and I don't seem to qualify.

" Maybe you're just not suited for it"

T-T Maybe so, but you all should know how much it meant for me to pass. My little dream is tarnished. And it's writing, T-T is it saying that I'm not suited to writing articles(well, maybe so) The term "lone wolf" comes to mind.

"You still have to move on"
Yesss, I know. I don't think I've rooted myself in a spot and started emo-ing have I? I still have my false hope, yes but I worry about other things too, like that upcoming camp! >< Homework, little meaningless everyday life stuff. On the contrary, I have too little to worry about, so I worry alot about insignificant stuff.

"Just focus on your other commitments"
I know this too. But like I said, you all should know how much it meant to me to be in the Board. T_T.And I would probably willingly give up all that to get EIC. Sighs

I thought of more arguments than this but I can't remember them==. Well, maybe it's for the best, writing this post already makes me guilty for going against your concerns.

Hope-what I really need! And the name of my group =D. Change the world!!!

I've been having a lot of internal arguments in my brain today @.@

And I was trying to win one about the night gathering theme just now till my opponent set her status to "busy".== Black Jack?

P.S Damn! Commonwealth Essay deadline is on the 1st of March!

And yes, I am not dead yet.

=.=

Heart Break

The Ed Board results came out today.

I think the title speaks for itself on whether I passed.

Actually, I was numb from the time I saw the results till now.

I guess I already predicted the outcome to be like that.

Ever since, I heard that a lot of people wrote "sound of silence".

It was just like last year.

The whole word dissolving around you, time stopping in its place, just being in a daze.

No more hope of being a CHS Ed-Boarder.

No more hope of experiencing the friendliness of ed-boarders that Pei spoke of.

No more EIC.....

But, I still would like to say "Thank You" to all of you who gave me their concern and support on this matter: Le Yi, Ellie, Xi Zhi, Pei She, Rachel...

I am still fine, for now.

But...no more EIC...T.T

I still hate myself for always selecting the wrong choice of topic.

And that I wasted like 4 hours of my life sitting for 2 exams that I failed.==

Class Board Stuff

Today I got a bottle of free Vitagen! Hahaha!

Wan Jin bought Vitagen for the whole class, just so that we could get the bottle covers to decorate the class board!

Then some of them spent the remainder of BM period and Civics to get to work on the board. =D

Me, on the other hand, managed to complete a picture of Bro.John, now that's 4! 8 to go T.T

People, head up and take a look at our board if you can(though currently, it ain't done yet)

o.0 I skipped house practice for the first time in my whole CHS life,(doesn't that seem sad?) for the sake of Chinese tuition= =.

Cross Country

NOOO!

Ungu got FIRST for cross country!!!

Argh!

Never mind, there's still Sports Day.

And if history repeats itself,

Kuning will win!