With this much liberty of being in the situation that I am now, comes too fear and sorrow that seems to lurk around every idle moment. It is during days when it seems that the only things to look forward to are whether Naruto will become Hokage or who Ted's wife will be that you feel so stagnant. You can't help logging onto Facebook/Twitter and inevitably be bogged by your friends' updates about their new lives, leaving a hollower feeling.
Sometimes, I have this selfish yearning for the world to just end in December, as 'prophecised". At least, then, there will be no grief for future sudden losses, with the knowing of when the end is near and for everyone to meet it together. There would be no need to face the fears and uncertainties of a shrouded future. No more emotions, no more assumptions, no more need for decisions.
Other times, I remember not-knowing is what makes up the excitement of life. I know that there's more that I need to discover and fulfill. I am aware of this is a means of escapism.
Like when faced with the decisions one has to decide on in life, my mind continues to oscillate