Saturday, June 15, 2013

This comes about a day late but the 14th this year would make 2 years since grandma's passing. Though I'm sure we've moved on but there are still moments where the void is apparent and some thoughts come back haunting, especially the days that lead to this day itself. You've always been inspiration and continue to be one that steers me through whenever I waver on this path.

Speaking of wavering, can't say that I haven't been without my doubts lately. Also, have not been feeling in the best of shape. It could be that my immunity's been low or the confining environment of uni really isn't doing any good. I think I could even blame part of it on my mental state. It probably is my mental state. What I have to see at lectures all the time really doesn't help with my developing hypochondria. No wonder doctors(or medical students) really have to let loose hard from time to time. Really craving a break now, despite the long 8 month one I had before uni started.

Life seems to have lost much of its luster. Have the people become less interesting? Not exactly. And there's also much to do. Just that that "much" usually consists of studying. The constantly nagging thought that one has to study every single day is... not healthy, even if it's true. Even if I still slack off most of the time, the pressure's always there. I can't look forward to other recreational activities without remembering the hours of study time I would have to compensate. I really need more genuinely interesting and uplifting things to look forward too. Or bear this accursed monotony.

Like a friend reminded me, "Change is constant". Hoping to finally settle down, for my own true acceptance of this fate and the strength to bear this grit.

Writing/rambling does help with the coping. Phew