Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Dream Story of Success

All my life I’ve been questioned on my ambition. And throughout the years I’ve given different answers. True, the mind of one does develop and mature as they grow but there is one thing that I have always place as an ambition just yearning for me to attain., one that I can truly call my success. I need to learn the courage to accept and to change. The earth shifts, the stars die, people come and go. You can say that change is the only constant cycle in life. Yet., many are feared by it. I wish for not only the power to accept change but also the gift to administer it.

Have you listened to the “Earth Song” by Michael Jackson? I do not quite recall it now but I remember part of the lyrics to b like “What about sunrise? What about rain?” Yes. What about them? Or is it more like what has happened to them? The sun rises into a sky filled with toxic fumes and smog. The rain we children used to play under now has the destructive power of acid corrosion. What has happened to the world? Yes, it is change. We are slowly entering the area of metal and technology, where soon parks and ball games will only be seen through and experienced through virtual simulation. Is that what we really want? I hope for the power to do change the world back to it roots, where one ran barefooted in the grassy fields and drank out of fresh spring water. From signing petitions to regular lake clean-ups, that is only so little I can do. But once, with the authority and power, I hope to be able to do more.

I used to have different ideas on what career to pursue in. Now, I am quite keen on majoring in the field of medicine. Once, when asked why I wanted to be a doctor, I (quite so)innocently replied that it was in order to help people. Only to have my mum snort in disbelief, claiming that medical practitioners nowadays only have eyes on their own financial needs. Is that so? I wouldn’t believe that there is no one left in the world who would take up a job with the sincere interest of making a difference in this world. So many wars have broken out through the years, and over nonsensical reasons were they fought. The high-ranking officials responsible sit smugly at home, while the citizens of those war-torn lands, the TRUE victims, are tortured, maimed and mentally destroyed each day the white flag is not raised. If I would ever get the chance and the courage to do so, I would volunteer myself to these lands to give medical aid. It is not out any act of sympathy, but as a duty of every man to care for their fellow.

Besides all that talk, one thing that I wish the power to change most is---myself. I am really a rotten person sometimes. I have been on the verge on neglecting what’s most important to me—my family and friends. When was the last time I had a nice laugh over the phone with a best buddy or the last time I talked to my grandmother, who watches on each day as I rush up the stairs upon reaching home from school, leaving her alone on the sofa…I, not only me, but this world needs a bit more love. A little act of kindness can go so far. You could help a teacher carry her books or buy lunch for a friend. These small things, though just miniscule compared to the accomplishments of missionaries and politicians, are just ways of showing we care for this world. Even though it may not be much to the world, but it may be the world to someone.

I may be alone now with only hope to cling on in achieving my dream. But I know, together with hope I can soar. This world deserves to be in the hands of better people and I know my generation is making the first step into brightening our futures. We will have a land of peace, harmony and integral understanding. One day, I will see all this in front of me, and I can say, I have succeeded.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one”

“Maybe someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one”

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Any way the wind blows...

Well, the time had finally come. I don't know what spurred you to say that but thank you for your honesty. And yes, as how you've put me, a part of me still remains sceptical about your sincerity but why put my mind through so much doubt and torture? I will just and can only accept it and let it be. Also, this is a part of me that will take some time to change. You built your defences, why can't I?

I know I was pretty demanding, and I admit, annoying. Still am and will be. X D. I was biting more than I could chew, I wanted more when I already had so much. I always thought you could give me more, and as a dealer of false hope, I gambled on. I should have learnt my lesson long ago and here I'm pretty grateful to you for not abandoning me, because I know you could have. Easily. I wanted more freedom with this, but it only ended up restricting us more. I don't know but things felt so awkward sometimes. It was just a struggle to hold myself together, an inner struggle which I kept losing.

Yes, things will be better now. They have to be. We are happy the way we are, no point straining this friendship. It's true, I decide on my happiness. And hopefully, I get to share it with you. I am a stubborn person ( and rather impulsive too), so getting my moods in check is going to be really challenging. Sorry.

"Life had just begun"- Bohemian Rhapsody. And I'm sure there's still a long way to go for us. We've faced so much before, but life's only just beginning. Oh, one more thing, I was a jerk that day. You know, I know, what I mean. But this means, I lose to you once again. FML ><

Not that I can't get over it. I just think I should mark this down =)Nothing has changed. Except maybe for a cleared mind. We're still close, good friends. =D

I've restricted the use of emoticons to not spoil the mood X).

Glee's version of Bohemian Rhapsody and Over the Rainbow is <3.

And of course, this post is only for the said person. And it still sucks because I haven't hung out with you yet ><" Grrr....

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Why is all that's left an empty feeling?

I just feel very bad now.

No wonder my brother says that I have two sides of me. Bipolar disorder?

I probably typed and said things I wouldn't have under a cool mind.

Yet, a part of me doesn't regret all this.

Which part is the true me? @.@

And I screwed up. Because things could have turned out better.