Ceased

Coming back here after more than half a year. With 2013 drawing to a close, it's time to leave one final blogpost for the year.

2013 was another year of transition, with me entering university after almost 9 months on break. Honestly, I felt like I was in a state of denial for the initial MONTHS there. It felt like a reversion from a seasoned warrior to a mere novice, having all that you've built on stripped away. Everything that I've come to achieve seemed obsolete, having to earn new qualifications within your period in university instead. Oh, I welcomed that clean slate, it was a chance for more growth after all, but it took a while to shake off the feeling of injustice, seeing your peers "settle" on a uni while you once more have to strive and struggle for a place in one. IMU felt like limbo, a mere transit point before the actual destination. It's probably why I clung unto memories of college, insisting that days here would never better those during PM4.

Thankfully, they have.

The year proved to be one where I could discover new terrains and cross personal boundaries. Having a clean slate provided opportunities for me to venture into fields I never thought I would enter. There was Chariofare, which could be said to be the trigger that initiated everything. The whole ride was a great experience and all, but what I gained most from this would probably be meeting all these people. From going to uni just to sell shirts to having meals together, even somehow ending up in the same CSU group for Sem 2(which made all the meetups easier), it's a bond that I hope develops more through the semesters.

There was futsal. I've always wanted to give football/futsal a try so another opportunity presented itself. And that lead to deep conversations at the mamak, sleepovers and huh, even constant hospital visits after someone fell into a hole heh. They're an eccentric bunch of people, but great company. Makes me look forward to training all the time. I remember how we trained at the hottest of times throughout a week to prepare for a 15minute match(that we won!) and during IMU cup season, where rivalry was still somewhat friendly. Futsal somehow made this slacker a bit fitter and hopefully more coordinated. Who would have thought I'd participate in a sporting event, win at pool, get overly worked up over futsal and very nearly got pulled into the cheer team?

There was also the constant connecting with people. I normally don't go out of my way to try and form interactions with people. But maybe it was the overwhelming studies or the idea that forming bonds preceded constant mugging in uni, that lead me to seek out company more. I remember when I would get bored of studying and just go on walks to seek out familiar faces. That habit died down in Semester Two though, as now I have groups I can return with assurance. They are, despite all the quirks, amazing people who just make me feel at ease.

This year had its fair share of losses as well as gains. Everything in moderation I suppose. I've lost chances, people and even direction to gain what I've had so far. Some things I may never get back, but some I hope to set right in the coming year.

There were times where I've questioned myself, caught in a loop of uncertainty. Yet, now I think I've come to terms with these fears, settling into silent contentment with where I stand now. Though still looking for opportunities to better myself intrinsically.

Life has its fair share of joy and adversity. Where would the meaning if there were only one of the spectrum? So, whatever comes, shall be embraced head on.