The Year that was

It was a year that welcomed new stages in life as some things had to be left in the past.

The one major component of this year was college, and more specifically, the people of PM4. It was a new environment for us all as we fresh out of high school. I remember the first day of class where we had our "orientation", everything seemed so awkward still. I think the one who really spurred the craziness of our class was John, the weirdest assistant class rep you could ever get. A guy who leans in so close to your face during random times it's claustrophobic, who can do splits, wakes you up by going "HARK!" when you least expect it and who likes almost every comment and post on our class group page. According to him,the class was so quiet initially, he figured he had to do something crazy to lighten things up. And thank god he did! We've gone through so much together now, there was our epic oreo prank on Ms Lim during April Fool's day, class parties, farewells, sleepovers, badminton sessions,movie and karaoke sessions and the class trip to Singapore!Ok, I shall stop going into detailed on the class as I think PM4 deserves a post on its own when we graduate next year. So, it's been a year of ups and downs with the Pre-MAD people but I'm looking forward to another 6 months of mayhem!

Another big chunk of college was CALEB. Ok I know most of my readers would fall under this group (Hi Yunny! Hi Shufy! =3) so I shal try to keep this short too haha. Well, joining CALEB has introduced to people who I think have clicked better with me than some classmates. Maybe we share more common interests( like the love of manga/anime XD) or somehow it's just much more easier talking to them. Things never got off to a great start and are still pretty rough now. Conflicts seem to keep arising from certain parties but what organisation doesn't have it's share of politics? Just that sometimes I really feel like bitch-slapping someone and telling them to quit living in their own delusional bubble or to acquire some sense of self-respect. Geez. Well, our tenure has yet to end to, so I stop here. Let's hope the yearbook doesn't turn out a disaster. *shuffles feet and moves on*

From this year onwards, I won't be directly involved with the Girl Guides of CHS anymore, only a senior who visits occasionally to dish out advice(whether it helps is another thing) or just to observe. After going through so much with an organisation that taught you so much, and possibly changed you for the better, it is hard to fully detach yourself from it. I've managed to return for most of the major events- Junior Camp, Night Gathering, and most recently, the Permit Camp (and it was during AS!). Nevertheless,it isn't the same when you're not the one building gadgets under the hot sun all the long, fretting over the goings of your camp, or losing sleep to finish more gadgets and rush logbooks. Haha it doesn't sound as bad as it does, seriously. All these activities are what bring you and your groupmates together.Camping really does bring out the best and worst of you. When I returned for Permit, Ms Margaret even asked me to help her be the tester by checking on their campsite. Sigh. Glad to still be part of all this. Looking forward for more events in the future.

I guess, as a result of not fully being part of the girl guides anymore, I joined Raleigh. It was actually something I knew of for quite a long time. I read articles on it in the paper years ago, about how they traveled rural areas to help the communities there. So, I finally got the chance to join one of their Introduction Weekends(IW) March this year. I think,besides the activities they do, one of the factors that make you stick to Raleigh would be their people. Never have seen such dedicated and passionate youths. These are really people with hopes of bringing change for our community. They come from all walks of life, but have all gathered under Raleigh( and for some, other youth organisation of their own) to channel their beliefs and knowledge to future eager young participants. Unfortunately, I couldn't be as active as I would like to be. Due to other events clashing or exams looming, I missed out on most of the Monthly Meets and couldn't be a facilitator for the other two IWs held after mine. Hopefully, next year allows me more time to be involved with more simpler pleasures such as this.

Now for some more possibly life-changing events. One was how I had gotten a scholarship from JPA, which entails a chosen Pre-U course and then a degree course in medicine in IMU. Let me digress a bit here, I recently finish that Steve Jobs' Biography by Walter Isaacson. One thing I can relate with Steve is how he has this urge to control every aspect of his company. For me, I would say it's more of an urge to want to have control of my choices in life,to have everything pre-planned in my head and to be played out like how I wanted it. Sure for more trivial matters, like whether I should go out tomorrow or when I do my work, I leave to chance. But for those major ones, I would like to have the decision made in advance. So, I had already set in mind that I wanted to apply to UCAS and to at least, get an offer from a UK uni, probably the moment I decided on A-Levels. So, when the scholarship offer arrived, I knew I would not relent so easily. In the end, a compromise was worked out( Eternal Gratitude to my mum for all her effort in making this work) and I'm still in Taylor's,the scholarship is sort of suspended until I go to IMU and I'm nervously awaiting the results of my university applications. Would things have been different if I has gone to INTEC(which was the Pre-U institution I got offered), who knows, but I don't regret not leaving TCSJ and even if I am to take a Gap Year, it would be way more beneficial than studying A-Levels again for two years.

Now this is the most shattering event of the year, which was my grandmother's passing in June. She was with me us our whole lives as she stayed nearby and come over every day and after she got very ill, stayed at our home. I really did wish there was more of her time here to be with us, to see me and brothers grow up but it would only be selfish upon that. We could see that she was already in a lot of suffering during those final months and at least now, she is finally at ease.

That's all of the more significant events of 2011. I would say this is more of a record than it is a reflection. I don't know what next year has in store for me, but I'm sure it will be one full of stress(A2!) and maybe heartbreak(Uni apps!)

Another Silent Night

I am currently facing this..somewhat minor dilemma, and maybe writing it will help it be more organised.

Well, for some A-Levels students, now would be the time where they eagerly check their email inboxes, hoping for a reply, or even an offer from the universities that they have applied to. I too, have been offers, but only offers that invite me for interviews. So, just for your knowledge, I've applied to Cambridge, Dundee, Edinburgh and Imperial. Cambridge and Dundee interviews have been done with and Edinburgh requires no interview. The offer/rejection letters should come in by January hopefully. So, Imperial also just recently gave me an interview offer. Thing is, it requires me flying all the way to London.

I have consulted some friends on the matter but opinions have been divided. Some say to go for it but others say not to risk it. Now that one thinks of it, those who were against it are those who are also in the UCAS applications phases. Anyway, the main obstacle that is making this decision so hard is the money. Flying to London just to have an interview would cost about 5k already (air tickets + other expenses). Then, it's not like going all the way means I'm certain of an offer. Heck, even if all 4 unis gave me offers, I may not even end up picking one =/ with me already have one scholarship. My poor cousin flew all the way for his Oxford interview and ended up rejected, as well as my other friends who applied. Sigh.

But, me, being myself, wouldn't want to let this go without trying. I would not want to regret leaving this hanging. Even if this uni isn't my top choice ( Imperial being in London,isss pricey), I would still want to know if I'm capable of a place. See how my stubbornness and foolishness leads me to situations not unlike this.

Maybe I'll just continue waiting. See whether something happens to make this easier. For some reason, the email did not say by when I should reply. And they are on Christmas break now.

Or maybe, I shall go flip a coin.

A Dying Breed

After two trips I had overseas where contact I had with the people involved was exceedingly more than the usual,I have come to find that members of the male population (not all though,this is just what I have observed) are becoming increasingly.. invalid.

The first trip, was my class trip to Singapore. Guys in PM(Pre-Medical) are more rare,thus only had a total of 8 guys in the class but only 6 went for the trip(and 1 only showed up for USS). Even if you guys were little in numbers, you could at least have shown a weeee bit more concern for your female classmates. I don't deny that you all can still be gentleman,with I remember at least 2 of you still willing to carry some of the girl's stuff and one of you occasionally made sure everyone was walking ahead and not too far behind the group. Yet, we all made a deal to meet up at Clarke Quay for dinner, and only 3 of us showed up. The guys had all decided to have a Japanese buffet instead. You said you did send an sms but it's either it didn't get through or it was an excuse. Never mind, the fault of technology then. I was not really mad about this, but someone was. Thankfully, this has been resolved the night itself. Then, there was the issue of clubbing. The people who wanted to go changed from "everyone" to noone then back to everyone and then in the end, it was just six girls. Sure you guys are tired and you have no interest but should have at least volunteered to see the girls to the MRT? And pick the two of us stranded at Clarke Quay from the station. (Our hostel was still quite a walk away from the nearest MRT station and it was nearing midnight when we got back). And then, the guys tried to seem more superior by taking the MRT to our bus pickup while the girls all took taxis. Made us all worry you guys wouldn't arrive in time. Sigh.

And the next trip was with my family. The men in my family either all seem oblivious to the fact that my mum and aunt were doing all the heavywork or they just took it for granted. Even after asking my bro to carry the groceries for my mum, he turned a blind eye. My mum, in exasperation, turned a blind eye. I feel so bad to my aunt and mum because they did most of the washing up and cooking. At least the rest of us managed to redeem ourselves by cooking dinner the last night,as mum and aunt went to meet a friend. Found out how lost the guys would be if mum wasn't around, or maybe even me.

I know how times are changing where women have risen up the social pyramid, becoming more independent and slowly overruling males but this isn't really a gender issue,more of one of morals and courtesy. Why wouldn't you not even bother to help a family member/friend carry heavy items or offer to accompany your friend who has to travel alone in the dark?

Loose Cannon

It has been quite a while since I was as depressed as I was yesterday. I don't know whether it was because of one major cause or the accumulation of many things happening at once.

One thing of course was the supposed rejection from Jardine. Sure, there may still be hope of going straight to Round 3 if I secure a place in one of the four chosen Cambridge colleges (snorts). But what saddens me more is that I wasn't even capable enough to make it through a screening round. Now how will I face my coming interview this Saturday? At least this setback shoved in my face the fact that I have to work on some kinks during interviews.

Then, some slightly not so major things. How my friend views her part-time job as an assistant at an eye specialist clinic as more crucial than just relinquishing one day from her whole month of work to hang out. Yet, I don't think it would a problem if it were with her boyfriend. Sigh. How being apart physically has seemed to throw us mentally and spiritually apart. And you got an interview offer from Oxford. Kinda fired another blow at me, but since I only told you about Jardine afterwards, not you to blame,and I'm happy for you nevertheless.

I kept losing at Tetris consecutively until the extent that I was pretty pissed off when someone initiated a conversation with me. Sorry. Due to tetris, I started Math homework. Shouldn't have underestimated it,ended up wanting to kill myself in the middle of the night.

Oh yes,back to Jardine. Being rejected by Jardine seems to give me the feeling that my Cambridge application will go along the same path. Thus all the negative feelings.

Restraining Order

Man, why do all these things keep happening? Right now, I'm in a state of indifference and fatigue that I won't rant, much.

I just think how sad it is that if we were to retaliate, it would be a losing battle anyway,as authority would always triumph over reason. What was done has made a mockery of me and my comrades, and of yourself as well so much that I see no reason to give you anymore respect than the plain courtesy I was brought up to have, as I'm not as rude as certain people.

I admit we have our faults, but don't speak as if you have none. I think hypocrisy would be a major one. Oh well,I'll just make sure my work gets done so I will only have minimal contact with you. Sheesh. Just remember in the end, that we're the clients.

Share The Experience

3 more papers for AS. =) However, the worst week has finally passed, with all the heavy Paper 2s done with!!

Something that I was looking forward to the whole week was collecting our class T-Shirts. Was pretty worried that I would end up going alone as even though I do know where Kelana Jaya, wasn't sure of the whereabouts of Kelana Square, which is where SaltySkins(our shirt printer!) is based. Fortunately, I ended up with four passengers! Two willing classmates(Adrian and Xin Yan) and another two classmates who randomly decided to follow after the paper(Sivesh and Kai Xiang). Nevertheless, Sivesh and Kai Xiang are from the area so they helped navigate. We didn't know which turning it was but as I remembered the map indicating it was opposite Giant, KX said to turn left at one junction that really was opposite Giant, we were still unsure and contemplated asking pedestrians. But lo and behold, up front was a building with block capitals of "Kelana Square" at the front, such luck!

Parking was another problem with all the spots having "reserved" signs, and visitors only allowed to park at the basement. We found a spot and I had to reverse park. Everyone,especially Sivesh was like, "Turn left, left! No, other left! Ok Back back. Ok stop!" Quoted Xin Yan: "Talking as if she doesn't know how to drive".

Next task was finding the Block. The building had 4 blocks. Saltyskins was at A block. We were initially at A block, but we didn't know. So we walked one whole round to come back to the same spot. Us demonstrating what is Displacement...

Finally there was a Harry Potter moment! We got up to the fifth floor,and looked for Unit 513. Surprisingly,Unit 512 was right in front. Then, some locked, seemingly unoccupied and unlabelled door. And after that it was 514 already. My classmates were "Doesn't this remind you of Platform 9 3/4? Maybe we should go run through the wall?" If Isaac from Saltyskins hadn't come out from the elevator, tell from our lost faces that we were customers and let us in to the seemingly unoccupied room,which was Unit 513, we might have contemplated charging the walls.

Thus,Class Tees finally acquired! Cash paid, business cards handed out, marvelled at the deco and shirts on display, and we left. Unfortunately, King wasn't around.He's the boss and his name really has a King in it haha.

So,distributed the shirts to those available, played Pool(poor form today) and had lunch! Shall use this day to recuperate.

So glad they turned out fine. Been corresponding with Isaac for a month to get all of it done. Shows how much patience I(and him) have.

Now to think of how to get the fabric paint!

P.S: The guys were all squashed up at the back and Adrian kept saying how it was getting "cozy".

P.P.S Realised I used a lot of exclamation marks !! =D

Auld Lang Syne

Today would be the graduation of the CHS's Form 5 batch of 2011,my juniors. And yesterday(November 2nd) marked a year since I graduated from high school myself.

Being in CHS was truly a wonderful roller-coaster ride and probably the most pivotal 5-years of my young life. It got me on the path I am now and looking back,despite all the conflicts and controversies I got myself into, and how I would never be able to amend that, I'm glad for those years in this institution. Even though I have a liking for my old high school that leans toward some form of 'semangat assabiah" or ethnocentrism, it deserves every bit of respect and love I have for it. It really is an awesome place to have matured and gone through secondary education with.

Like how Yin Suan aptly said "Gosh,a year already?!"

Cheers to CHS,and Happy Retirement Pn Sim!=)

Would have embedded this video better but I don't know how.So click the link! A nostalgic graduation performance =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GiT2V1Ig2E&sns=fb

What Grade Do YOU want?

The answer to that would be nothing less than an A*(hopefully). Getting Top for something would be a wonderful bonus though.

With now being exam season and all, it would be easy for one's mind to lose focus and drift off to the allure of social networks, manga and random things I come across on the internet. Thus, I am writing this post(which ironically, involves me using the Internet) to let my thoughts settle on what I want from working for this exam.

Yes, Zhi Min. Remember how exams used to be quite a thrill? Remember the blog post you wrote about maybe 3 or 4 years ago on why exams could be a form of pleasure too? Maths used to be something that would get you into an adrenaline rush as you challenge the clock to complete everything in the shortest time possible. But today, you were uncertain, you were slow, you hesitated. Is this the stress of knowing how much significance these results hold for you, compared to the years when they were mere numbers?Or was that an act of cautiousness?Yet you still were careless. And you are probably hitting yourself on the head for it.

Things have gotten more serious now. You stand dwarfed among giants. Fortunately, years in high school have taught you to be ambitious, to have a hunger that only the sweetest fruit of glory would satiate and you hope to climb higher than those giants by starting a perilous journey to the tallest peak. You've faced adversity along the way, nevertheless you prevailed. Now, you tend to lose focus and are seduced by complacency and arrogance. You also crumble at the slightest of disappointments and would only regain composure with days of ruing.

So, remember what you want, what you're aiming, why you're doing this. Never let yourself go astray. Your goal is the highest peak, you know what you got yourself into, you know it won't be a smooth journey. You know it will be hard, but you never backed down, you can never let yourself be distracted. You know you can do it.

Interview Moments

During my supposedly very crucial Cambridge interview,

Interviewer: (flips through my application,stops at college's testimonial with I presume,my forecast results)

I'm guessing your favourite subject is Mathematics?( as I got forecasted A* for it)

Me: (Must have given him a somewhat incredulous/astonished face)

Interviewer: Ok, I guess not then.

Interviewer: I see you take Biology, Chemistry, Maths and Physics.

Me: And Thinking Skills!

Interviewer: Yes...Thinking Skills. *Scoffs* I'm sure it must be very fun.

The 8th Ball

After a day of not much productive studying, what would PM4 do?

Play Pool of course!

I don't even know how this fascination with the "sport" came by, but it definitely started off with the guys in class. They would go off to the top of Asia Cafe during any free period. Two hour break? Pool la! Fed up of studying? Pool! Just feel like it? Pool! And pretty soon, the girls would occasionally join in, with some of us being more eager regulars.

Our Physics teacher even seems to encourage us playing pool. Since it involves the applications of Physics. You would have estimate the trajectory of the ball so it rebounds at the right angle, or apply the right amount of force to prevent your white ball from following the target ball into the hole. The element of luck is also needed when making uncertain shots.

The one setback would be coming out of the area smelling of smoke. Or finding yourself stranded there when a storm hits.

Hail pool, and how it has dominated much of PM4's break times. And to many more games to come!

Buckyball

Now a few hours after the rant, I feel bad about the post=.=

I hate settling conflicts, and leaving them suspended there, unattended to forever, will live a bad taste in your mouth and a regret to carry to the future.

Sigh sigh sigh.

But do note that the rant was meant to be out of annoyance. Not anger =0 Or not that much anyway. And sadly, there are more pressing matters to attend, so I can only leave it at that for now.

Staggered Ends

I didn't intend to write about this, but since I woke up to thoughts of the situation flooding my mind, might as well then.

I didn't expect that conflicts over such trivial matters could still occur now in college. This is why I have always had the notion that students from CHS are that much more superior, or "weathered" at least. I think that we mature faster than others as we are ...prone to such trials at an earlier stage. Frankly, I don't exactly understand what the problem is anyway. I doubt that I have actually wronged you directly or that I could actually scare you. Is my presence that intimidating to the extent you don't want to be near me? I personally suspect that there are other factors at play but I will question no further.

And to have the assumption that I do not favour you because of how I don't seem to strike as much conversation with you as our mutual friends, may be justifiable in some circumstances. But really, it is because I have no conversation to think of so we do not converse. If you really wanted some conversation between us, then why not you start one eh? And yesterday's attempt at reconciliation with you, if it wasn't for the help of some "bystanders", I would probably just aggravate the situation more, because it really is ridiculously hilarious in some ways.

And unfortunately, I do not take this as such a serious matter yet. We can go on like this as long as it doesn't affect our work. I'm not one to concede defeat if I'm not the one who is certain to be at fault.

There is no side to take in this, except maybe that of sense and logic. May you have a nice day.

Tell Me About A Banana

A thought reoccurred after reading a certain blog post. How people would always be comparing( human nature really) themselves to those more elite and wondering why they cannot ever attain that level. Having been at both ends of the spectrum, it should be that people though seemingly are better equipped and more gifted, would also be equally plagued by the obstacles of their levels.

Like me, yes, I do have high standards. Though I probably only became this ambitious during my Form 2 days and how that hunger to succeed has developed over the years. =0 And people all seem for some reason, are so astounded by my capabilities. (though they are only mediocre, compared to the real giants I have met). So even if I seem that bit more gifted than others, it doesn't mean I fret any less, I have even higher expectations to live up to(basically my own), more self-developed stress and standards to maintain. Thus, we've always been told never to compare... Because you never know what the other person has gone through.

And speaking of all the stress, my efforts and attention have to be split between BMAT, the Cambridge interview ANDDDD AS. Today, I was randomly called to talk about my mock interview and the admin said according the feedback, I would have to work on my knowledge and applications. Sigh, thus I would have to do much much outside reading D= One unfortunate matter, is that if one does not succeed at obtaining a place at Cambridge it would mean about..... almost 2K done the drain. Such exhilaration.

As for my title, it's the name of a book on Oxbridge admission interviews. Yes, they asked such a question during the interview!

You Shall Not Pass!

I seem to have this strange habit of passing up of certain events when an exam looms, even if the said exam is still about a few weeks away. For instance, today there's the Adidas King of the Road run, one of the few marathons that won't fall during the AS exams. Yet, I still pass it up because it's NEAR the AS exams. (One reason I didn't join could have also been that I had earlier thought my AS would start next week due to practicals). Whereas yesterday, Raleigh's MM was caving! =0 But of course, I did not go. Luckily I went for September's one or who knows when I'll meet up with them again.

What makes it even stranger is that I can pass on events like this which are quite beneficial on the physical sense, saying they would take up much of my exam preparation time, yet, I'm still here, on the computer, typing this blog post, doing random things online that aren't as beneficial. So, isn't being on the computer even more a waste of time then attending such events? I argue that going for an event like that would eat up more time due to travelling and getting prepared whilst you can plonk yourself in front of the computer anytime. There seems to be a major flaw in my time management skills. =0 Reading an article in R.AGE has come to make me suspect I have symptoms of ADHD...

I should follow the footsteps of a Raleigh senior of mine.He was taking AS finals during our May IW yet, he still chose to go for all 3 days, while me, for just my Sem 1 exam, chose to only help with the registration on the first day. When I asked him why he was still going, he just said "because I wanted to".

And later today, I will be going to an event, that is supposedly more for aspiring dentist, but whatever, still educational.

The Winner stands alone

My AS finals are looming and me being me, has yet to discover the urge to plop myself in front of my desk and to tackle past years(on a regular basis). Though this nonchalance has its consequences, such as breaking my A-streak because of trials =.=. Of course, I always have the alibi that I had not really try(which I guess is partially true).

Anyway, a moment of self-reflection here.It is somewhat sad to note that, I never do seem to choose the easier way in life. During the secondary school years, I could have chosen to be totally immersed in studies but (owing this to "kiasu-ness"), I always tried to grab any opportunity thrust at me on the aspect of co-curricular activities, one major example would be taking Queen's Guide(though I hold no regrets of course). I chose to stay up late completing logbooks, skipping class, troubling teachers and parents, and constant worry over books and full attendance. Nevertheless, it was a decision that was worth it, I could say that was one phase of high school that helped mold me a lot.

Now,of course was the scholarship. If I was an easily contented person, I would probably be residing in Shah Alam for most of the weeks now. But alas, I would probably be tormented with "What if"s my whole life if I had done so. I chose to stay where I am. I chose to complete my A--Levels next year June like I had intended instead of starting over and slowly finishing two years later. I applied for probably some of the more competitive medical schools in the UK, instead of having a "backup" or applying for more "humble" unis and be satisfied at that.

I still choose to be somewhat active in ECA for college and also in outside organisations. I choose to handle certain things like class shirts or assignments because I do not want to feel inferior to or let my class be inferior or less united to another class.

Even though I may not always win, I despise the feeling of settling for second best, especially if I never tested whether I could be top.

On a side note, I have already done UKCAT and IELTS for uni apps.BMAT is in November. All the spending for these 3 have already amounted to about Rm1800! Not to mention the UCAS fee and COPA fee....

Pixel Perfect

I often wonder what life would be like if we were more easily contented. Like those avatars in the game: The Sims 3. They primarily just need to have their basics needs fulfilled to be fulfilled and their mood meter goes up. Of course, they also have skills to acquire to further upgrade their capabilities.

(Yes, this is Sims Social ==)

But if only people were just as simple. Sims have no specific tastes as to what food or clothes to buy and they just meekly follow the controller's orders. Furthermore, it's so easy to understand what they want as there is a meter and indicator when their moods deteriorate and they get bored/dirty/tired.

If only real people were that easily understood D=.

Trying to be somewhat philosophical here? haha

Water Bottles on the floor!

Today I just sat for the IELTS exam. And to be honest, I don't know why, for an exam where the advice by peers(with above average English proficiency)I've been given is to not bother studying for it, I felt exceptionally tense. Maybe, because it involves a fee of about RM 550, or that despite whether I retake or not, the universities will only accept the first attempt's score. So, I kept having bad premonitions of slipping up over the days. But what wonders me most, that despite the worry, a side of me is still as slack. Well, I did prepare for it, though not as intensively as I could have, and I did spend almost ever day this week working on articles for CALEB, but it's not to say I could have spared time to study.

But then again, have I ever given it all for an exam? I never pull all-nighters, because I feel it would only make my mind groggy and unfocused in the morning. I don't think I could make myself truly study for a whole day but then, who could? Random musings.

And I guess it's a good thing I didn't underestimate IELTS. Shall hope for the best two weeks later...

Requiem

The reason I don't frequent this place as much seems to be because it has slowly been breached by parties which I would rather not reveal the inner workings of my mind to. I have contemplated another site but the prospect of moving and informing faithful readers who still seem to visit this blog in hope of a new entry is just plain redundant at this moment of time.

So, I have returned because I have chosen to let that be for now. And I really have to write something besides recurring articles, which is most of the extra-curricular writing I have been doing this year. So this post shall have some relation to writing, or something that encompasses writing.

One can't say I'm a very good commander. I have always put myself in a situation where I care more of the feelings of my subordinates comrades than how the outcome of our assignment would be. This usually just leads to unstable decisions and a lot of doubt over me on their behalf. But after about two months of being in this position once more, it gets tiring trying to be ever so democratic yet getting abysmal results, a reason why I look to tyranny as a more effective ruling method,though to certain extents.

And after much venting to a certain friend, I too was encouraged to shed such informalities and reprise my role on a more stricter basis. I have tried that and it does seem to bring about different responses from people, much to my bemusement. Hopefully I can yield a tighter leash on the doings and speech of certain people now. And that I do find the trigger point in me that would unleash my myriads of scolding, not just good understanding friends, but all who have not done their duties up to par.

In simpler words, one should screw the opinions of others if they get in the way of getting things done smoothly.

Peddling

I was walking back to the car in the rain today when someone suddenly called "miss!" from behind. I turned around and saw this scrawny chinese guy in a baggy shirt and orange crocs(these made quite an impression on me). He then asked" Are you Chinese?" Pretty dumbfounded, I nodded. He then started going on in Cantonese about how he was just released from a lockup and he needed money to take the bus back home and he was asking for about 7 ringgit. After a moment silence, I only mustered a "sorry" and he left, obviously in a hurry to get out of the rain.

I don't know what to make of that incident. Once I got into the car, I felt pretty bad. What if he really just wanted to go home. I had my suspicions that he could be a kidnapper or drug addict, but he wouldn't be asking so openly right? And he talked pretty decently too. Hope he managed to make it back home.

Oh, and while I was turning out from SS15 I saw an Indian guy dressed similarly crossing the road. He had brown crocs on. =0

Yellow is the new Black

Today would surely be somewhat short of historical for most of us here in Malaysia.

And with how the day started, I didn't expect it to be that thrilling.

Today was the 9th of July, where the Bersih 2.0 rally was scheduled to be held. I was informed ofthis weeks ago through tweets from politically-active friends( who have themselves gone on to march in today's rally) As such, the events leading up to the rally were no surprise, though the road blocks were quite infuriating. And though supporting the cause silently to this day, I knew I would never have gotten permission to attend the actual rally. So the Saturday morning was spent as usual. It was when I opened my twitter to get updates that something more closer to home hit.

The twitter newsfeed was congested as how it has been this few days on bersih. I was regularly updated by tweets from the friends attending the march, Jo Fan and Chun Yeen. Soon, a shocking tweet was posted by Chun Yeen. Jo Fan had been arrested! Friends on twitter who saw were equally concerned. What were the chances of one of our friends getting caught over thousands and thousands of marchers. What more he is just merely a student like me, a st

udent with great passion for our country.

Here was where it started. Posts were made to Jo Fan's wall wishing him safety and also to give thri prayers. Friends all helped to contact his parents and acquire his details whe

n Chun Yeen

needed it to help bail Jo Fan out. Friends even all started changing their profile pictures to striking colours of yellow to show their support.

Facebook yellow-fied

What I noticed too was that all this action came from fellow CHS-ians whether alumni or current students. And it just made me feel a surge of pride for my schoolmates. To see how everyone was showing Jo Fan their support and how we are all aware of the political situation of our country is just so ...membanggakan XD We all stood in solidarity today. Despite whether we knew Jo Fan as close friends or acquaintances, we all gave our thoughts

to him, be it by liking a post regarding him, sending our wishes or helping to get his parent's contact numbers, Jo Fan's arrest though unfortunate, shows us that we all care for our nation and also for those who choose to represent us when we can't speak ourselves. Our generation would surely bring change to our country, with our passion, Bersih's 8 demands might come true after all.

This is a shoutout to Jo Fan, Chun Yeen, Mun Chung and the rest of our generation who chose to risk injury and arrest to represent us in this plea for free and fair elections. And to Jo Fan, we hope you come back safe.

(from left) Chun Yeen, Mun Chung and Jo Fan

Awaiting news of you being set free.

Long Road to Ruin

Today would have been the second time that I participated in the KL marathon (also still 10km). Yet, somehow this year's experience struck to me as a more wholesome and contented one compared to that of last year.

Nevertheless, these good vibes did not come without some initial bad sentiments. For one thing, as I type this, my lower body aches all over, especially my right pelvic area, merely rising my leg sends a surge of pain coming. Anyway, now I think I understand what Chen Haw meant by how the hardest path is getting yourself onto the starting line. Since I had practically zero training(except for a pathetic jog once around the housing area), I was pretty worried about still going on for this marathon. Having no prior training was a main worry and as well as wondering whether doing this would have just wasted my Sunday morning. Fortunately, I did get out of bed, reluctantly.

Instead of joining this with my friends like last year, this year I went with my aunt and brothers. Me and the older of the my two younger brothers were to run the 10km track while aunt and other brother did 5km. With my brother running with me, I was temporarily relieved, knowing that I had someone with me in case I couldn't take it. But as expected, he got ahead and I was left alone amongst a sea of strangers. Ironic yes?

With that, the beginning of my marathon was plagued by flitting thoughts of despair and fear. For I fear that with the lack of training, my stamina wouldn't be up to par. After what seemed like miles of running, one was shocked that the marker only indicated that this was the 1st km covered. But what could you do, back and forth you only see road, so I ran on.

My pace was admittedly inconsistent. I walked for most distances, allowing myself to sprint every now and then to not be left behind too much. When I came across the 5km,at least I knew I only had halfway left.

But one thing about being in this alone, I needn't worry about how far ahead the rest where. I had already expected my brother to be ahead. I could go along my own pace as long as it wasn't too slow. But judging from what I overheard from other participants, hopefully my time equals that of my previous run. One's mind was also cleared from other worries momentarily as the main focus was on the road and finishing. After every KM marker, I hope to be able to see the next one soon and for everyone in front of me, I hoped to catch up. I got to get some real exercise after months of static studying and lazing. It was just nice to be one the road and to observe the things around you.

After reaching the finish line, it really was a tremendous relief and the physical burden you held back finally takes its toll on you. I seemed more contented with what I achieved this time compared to the last.Though my time could be worse(can't check the results), but I guess I know why people enjoy marathons so much now. The feeling you get after challenging your limits and yourself, is just. Satisfying.

What more was the congratulations from friends, including some who ran 21km. What is my mere 10km compared to their half-marathon? And yet, they still commented me on a good job. Thank you =).

Now with this spark lit, hopefully a half-marathon or even full marathon(if Raleigh fundraising sees the need =0) will be in my capability.

Gone now. Be at peace at last =)

Hold On

They say that life is full of little miracles, the fact that one is able to wake up alive and well everyday is one of them. But, what if waking up everyday, still (barely) alive, with the thought that you would have to continue suffering in this world. What would you think of your life then?

Everyday now, I still try to live life as normal. But things have changed. The family is now all in constant trepidation, wary of when that time comes. A day now is full of worry that I might heed news of you leaving, afraid of ever having to bear that. Every time when I gaze upon you, bedridden and weak, I make sure to look out for the signs of life: a pulse, the rise and fall of your chest,your hands twitching as those you were reciting your prayers. And with that, I can be relieved for that few moments.

I really wonder what would be the better thing.To continue fighting for your life or to ease you of your suffering. Haha, reminds me of my Thinking skills argument, whether to legalise euthanasia.. But right now, it's not your time yet. So please try the herbs mum sought out =(.

Please don't give up hope. No one can feel up the void if you leave now. Our prayers are all for you. Please be happy and no more bad thoughts. Love.

A Minor Setback

One can start blogging again. =D

With the end of the semester 1 exams, comes the start of the first sem break. XD

And though the exam board picked the worst possible paper to be taken last, with disastrous results ( cytosine!!!), at least the post-exam celebrations got off nicely. Spent remainder of the day with half of Pre-Mad 4 at Pyramid.Ate Nando's and watched X-Men: First Class. (Wouldn't mind watching it again!). Got lost on the way to Subang Sky Park but only used 10 minutes to get back to Sunway =.=

Two weeks without PM4 D=. Longest duration to date?! And I might not come back =(..

Crossroads

Such a dilemma now =(...Sigh...

Oh god, I must be the only JPA scholar here who isn't happy with what they got. And comparing it with the rest of my peers who applied for Medicine, it really is quite good.

But accepting it means leaving behind the people I've been with for the past 5 months now. The PRE-MADDEST bunch of people who balance studies and pranks all so flawlessly! I'll be leaving the food, the people, the environment, lame jokes, weird jokes, dirty jokes, pranks, awesome teachers, awesome people for money. Why why is it always about money T. T

And what's more, a part of me says I should stay. Because accepting the offer would mean I might never know whether I could have achieved further.

Morning breeze

I wasn't really one for change. So much that some things I were looking forward to have also slowly been adopted as routine. Back last year, I was really eager to get college started because one always was curious about new things. But now, high school life seems so much more welcoming. Despite how awesome college is now(especially the people), there are some things from high school it never could replaced. Either that, or there is still some part of me yearning to cling on to anything that holds memories of high school or any proof that it happened.

Being not one for change, I don't only mean it for parts of life but for people as well. I have this intolerance towards fickle-minded people. The constant changing of minds proves to be quite annoying, especially at the expense of other people.It's just irksome if one's decision is constantly altered until you dunno what they want anymore >=( .That's why I at least try to stick to decisions once made.

Though it's inevitable to encounter such cases, one just has to go with the flow. I just got to remind myself that they are the ones who control their own life.

Into the Fire

So, since I don't feel like repeating myself anymore and people have requested for this, I shall write a post on my JPA interview =).

(though of course this is MY interview and what occurs to me might not happen to you).

So, I arrived at the venue at about 7.05am. Surprisingly, there were already a number of parents and applicants waiting there. So, at around 7.30am, people started flooding in. And some of the JPA workers arrived to stick the name lists on the board. We are required to locate our names on the board and sign. Applicants are divided into groups of five for different "panels" which I guess refers to your panel of interviewers. Mine was Panel 3 FYI. The interviewers soon arrived as well and headed up first. Oh, speaking of the location. You will be required to wait downstairs in a courtyard. The board with the name list of applicants will be located in the middle of the courtyard. All interviews will be done upstairs.

Once my panel was called, we headed up to the waiting room. There, we are required to hand in our clear folders and photocopied documents. Each panel is assigned a counter. You will be handed a name tag with a number on so pin it on la. The people behind the counter will begin work by sorting out the docs and arranging them. So, this is the time where you can interact with your group mates. Mine were quite friendly and we managed to talked about some trivial stuff. Other groups waiting were all so stiff o.0.

Then, our turn came. We lined up according to number and headed to the interview room. My panel of interviewers consisted of three Malay guys who looked vaguely familiar for some reason. They seemed pretty friendly. First thing the guy in the middle said was to relax as we were the first batch and also to ask whether we had breakfast yet haha.

Ok, we started off with introductions. Since the panel asked this in BM, we had to answer in BM. And by introductions, they actually wanted more than just a simple introduction. We included family info (parents' career, siblings),hobbies and also a bit about our ambitions. And once one of us was done with the intro, they would question us(still in BM) regarding what we said during the introduction. So, I guess you should make sure you say valid things! Well, for mine, hmm.. I mentioned both my parents were working in account-related fields, so they asked why I didn't choose to be an accountant as well, which led me explaining why I wanted to be a doctor. And also a bit about Guiding, as I touched that and the charity work I have done. (thinking back, I think I was asked the least questions o.0). And I guess it's ok to inject some english words if you can't think of their BM counterparts in time, just don't say full english sentences. One guy got told off for doing so.

Next off, was very random. (In BM). The interviewer asked me to name the other 4 applicants, which I could btw. And for another applicant, he asked her to say out the hobbies the rest of us had mentioned during our intros.

After that, the interviewer (this time in English) asked us to each say a strength of ours and how it would help us in our career. So, I think I expressed this answer more fluently =D. And then, surprise...the end to our interview o.0.

We then returned to the waiting room to collect our stuff. Oh, you needn't bring so much stuff la. Because we were told to just leave everything in the waiting room =. =. And if you have Foreign Language Proficiency certs, do make a certified copy. They might come in handy =).

Me and my group mates exchanged contact details and that it's free to go.

SC008

It's just not the same being with people from different part of your lives.

Recent situations have justified that.

It may be that I have grown too accustomed to the speech and lifestyles of my classmates that it seemed unfamiliar sitting among 4 other people speaking in Mandarin while as of recent times, jokes, crap and most conversations were done in English with current classmates. True, I think there is also the reason that I was never good with handling group conversations,I seem to be restricted to conveying my messages to only one person at a time. (which is not a very favourable trait if I am facing a panel of three interviewers on Tuesday.) So, in the end much conversation wasn't carried out and that turned into a missed opportunity to interact with more people. D=

Though, granted, conversations with some people never turn into awkward moments. And it seems that, for me anyway, no matter how long we've talked for that one day to catch up. There's still a lot that hadn't the chance to be said. I mean, being in different colleges and all now, there's already a part of our lives that each of us will never be part of and will never truly understand. Thinking about it, when I got home, I realised Hue Ching was right. We should have appreciated the time we had to meet up yesterday and talked more. Because who knows when we will ever have the chance again. And social media doesn't compensate for a real conversation face-to-face.

And no matter how interesting and wonderful college will turn out to be, this little part of me inside will never let go of high school because that's where a lot of things started off for me. College will never be the same. People aren't the same (and most of my more intimate friends have conveniently left for different colleges),teachers aren't the same, rules and system not the same...Any opportunity to return to CHS and ultimately to meet my friends cannot be passed up. Even if it means sacrificing a Monthly Meeting =/.

Yesterday, was eventful. In both a good and bad way. Who knows whether days like that will happen again in the near future. I even had to add a (?) behind the soon in " see you soon" while texting friends yesterday. Indication of how our lives hardly converge anymore. Next time, maybe it would have been even better if we really just sat down at a store outside school and talked about old and new times. I will anticipate that day.

Hope to meet all of you soon. (?)

Get Out There!

I realised one thing. I never blogged about my weekend down at Johor volunteering nor for my weekend at Raleigh's IW.

Well, IW has some secrecy policies so there isn't much I can disclosed about it. If you wanna know, come for it! There's one being held in May I think X).

And as for Johor, woah, that was a day spent pretty well. Even though it wasn't the kind of volunteering I expected (as they did say flood relief), it was soul-satisfying nonetheless =). Visiting three different kinds of homes in a day can be quite eye-opening. And it is pretty heart-breaking to see the conditions they live in, this especially goes for the old folks' home =( .

Hopefully if I go back down to Johor one day, I can locate and visit those places again. Then, maybe I can do more than just accompany them for a chat.

Aftermath

My SPM results are very easy to memorise:

Everything except Chinese (10 of them) : A+

Chinese: A-

X)

Truth be told, I hadn't expected that kind of result at all o.0. And I am still wondering as to how some things turned out the way they should be.

But yesterday was still a good day. Met old friends in CHS. The place hasn't changed much at all. Still the same cars parked in the same spots, same classrooms, same atmosphere. I miss the place =( . And despite the main reason coming back yesterday(Results), I really wanted to meet everyone again. College has been well and all, but it sure felt well to see so many CHS-ians gathered together again.

And I really am thankful to all teacher, friends and family for this. =) Our class is awesome! Top-scorers of the year. Celebrations are in order!

Oreo Ice-Cream

My friends from the have been commenting on how inactive this blog has become. Now we can't let that happen,can we? So ok, I am going to rant. Or vent or just ponder...

College hasn't been too awesome, it hasn't been too lousy either. I think I'm just being upset over all the wrong reasons, or at least the slightly less significant issues. Though they do mean a stab in my ego, a very very deep one o.0

First, I have a feeling that some inner forces are at work here to try (and succeed) in shunning me from ECA activities. Well, maybe not shun completely but my luck in trying to run for posts is at zero. So, the ECA bodies must be conspiring to prevent me for infiltrating their system too deeply. And somehow, this applies for my class too. At least, from what I have heard, not all results are known yet =/ Yes, this is one of the main reasons for my dissatisfaction. Seems shallow but this will bring up my inferiority complex again =0 A year in Form 5 where you were deemed "amazing' does this to you. Grr... This must be godsend that I go lend my interests elsewhere. Pfft...

And stepping out of CHS reveals to you how little you still are. Even academically I am average and that's just in my class. What about when compared to all of the PMs in TCSJ =o!

I wonder if I'm genuinely worried about this because of how it may affect university offers next time, or that I'm just arrogant.

If the first 5 months were like the 5 years in high school........hopefully April and May be more hopeful.

Edit: College still rocks cause of the class. Awesome people =) And CALEB makes things look hopeful too ^^

Catalyst

Yesterday I sponsored a child =D. That was the main reason I dropped by Sunway Pyramid. Though I watched The King's Speech too. XD That's one Oscar 2010 movie down.

Anyway, since I've already recollected my experience at the World Vision booth in two other blogs, what more it's the same post. I shall just link it here =)




http://sweetsesame.wordpress.com/2011/03/05/change-a-life-change-your-own/

Support World Vision! Sponsor a child today!

Card Error

Thanks to CALebration, I think I have an idea of what clubbing is like haha xD.

OK, I have to wait for my photos to load first. Than I can continue this.

---------------------------------------------------------

Alright, scrap this.

My photos are gone. >< Stupid technology. And there was a nice shot and a few memorable ones too =(.

Argh anyway, it was pretty good for the first event I attended in college..if you don't count ECA drive. It was quite like prom, though not so formal. There were performances by students and outside guests. I especially like S.O.M.L crew's performance: Best of the Decade =). Now I'm interested in TDC lol.

I think the most anticipated and the reason most of us came was to witness the announcement of the new committee and most of my choices made the cut. Too bad for my cousin, Teik Seam, got beaten by "We Can" Wei Ken to Treasurer.

And I met Thanusha from PM6, well then the objective of "making new friends" would be considered =) And saw Geik Ling again, after she moved to SAM on the same day ^^. Too bad the photos are all gone. =(

And, Thinking Day was yesterday. XD People were commenting how "loyal" I was to guides. Three other guides in my class and none wore guide shirts >=(. One never celebrated TD before though =0.

P.S: Couldn't catch Costumed Rabbit Mouse. Sad =(

Aurora

Here comes the next birthday post ~ ^^

This one is for my little sister, who in reality, is older than me lol

Wow, amazing leh. Do you know you have actually gone through an evolution process? You see ah, in the beginning, I used to called you Worm, which is of course quite low down in the food chain. Then, you “evolve” into a monkey/penguin, both more bigger and advanced animals la. And now, you are my lil sis, which is a human la of course haha~ Thus, you have grown this past few years XD!

 

Your new companion ^^

Well, of course reminiscing also not needed here. Our bond of friendship was linked through the Internet. And not unlike with Lyn, it only started growing stronger hm..in the later years of high school.

 

Notice the difference in these two pictures o.0

Seriously, we’ve been through quite a lot together, whether we liked it or not X). And yet, nothing makes us feel more connected than spending the long nights in front of the computer together, going through endless topic changes. Too bad that doesn’t happen recently, with you working and me studying =(. I look forward to our long conversations again. >=)

o.0 Why all our pictures have relations to guides one? Did you know notice lol? But then, so much of our stories happened there, would not be right to not include it in the post ^^.

There were good times and there were…less-than-good times. But, knowing you, that’s just all a part of you growing up X). Hopefully I stay long enough on this journey to see you through it =).

I hope you enjoyed the weather today. A whole day of rain to commemorate your big day. But remember to always look out for the rainbow that comes after.

Happy 18th Birthday, Hue Ching =P

Doppelganger

I think 18 is a significant age, isn't it? It represents that one has really ventured into adulthood,though 21 would usually mean total freedom. But since this is the first year not being in high school anymore and that the world may end next year, I have decided to write birthday tribute posts to some close and special friends of mine for their 18th birthdays. =D

First, and I guess by far the eldest in my list is my twin, and fellow domestic farm animal , Low Jun Lyn!!

(Sorry ah, I stole this from your fb =P)

You know, buddy, the first thought that went through my mind when I saw you today was, *sigh of relief* "Thank god, Lyn is still the same". Haha, I didn't know what I was expecting but since everyone seems to be undergoing changes once leaving high school, you didn't seem to be an exception. What a relief when I saw the same old bag and the usual bottle carrier ^^. And what a fool I am to think you would undergo any drastic transformation so soon. Guess I was expecting more flamboyant attire.

Well ok, I'm sure I don't have to repeat how we met and all that crap since it's been repeated like 129023873 times already. Just that the memories we had were all pretty =. ='. Like our very memorable maggi mee incident in camp and later, the stairs incident that reintroduced ourselves XD.

It really is amazing and funny, I remembered I proclaimed us as twins for having the same birthDATE but not the same birthMONTH. Yet, we have so many other contradicting factors. You have your strict and firm principles while I usually work based on emotional whims. I go to the college you had initially wanted last time but instead, you go somewhere else. During one interview, I wore closed boots and you wore open-toed sandals, then the next interview, it was vice versa. WTH la haha~

Baa Baa, Meh Meh and Moo Moo? ^^

To think that last time "visiting" you meant climbing the stairs and turning left to the 3rd class on the block, now it would mean really heading off to your place or dropping by your college. How times change =(. But at least, you will for now remain you. But please be less blur or you will really confuse me instead=. =

Good and Evil don't see eye to eye

I pray that our journey together doesn't end yet! I will crash your place once I have an address >.

Last but not least, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ^^

New Frontiers

Woah, I never realised I hadn't blogged here in 2011 yet.

Well, college is finally gonna start in a week X) No more rotting at home. Though I'm pretty sure I will regret not spending the time more wisely while I had the chance.

And I've been working on another blog too. Hopefully one more mature and it will be less personal. More of an informative one, or comical one. We shall see.

But now, I won't reveal it yet. Since it only has one post at the moment. Too young to greet the world just yet.

So, may year 2011 bring luck and prosper to you =D